Guilt Sucks
Ahh guilt! Like an unwelcome visitor it pops into your head for a brief moment and then settles in out stays its welcome. Every. Single. Time!
Sometimes it hangs around so long that we are forced to rough handle it to some old cupboard along with shame, embarrassment and frustration, where they merrily hang out for a while, quietly potting their revenge attack before ambushing you whilst making a cuppa or driving home from work.
As masterful as guilt is at making us feel like absolute sh*t we can learn to handle it better through Mindfulness.
Here are my steps to dealing with guilt:
Step 1: Say howdy
Say hello. Yes, I know I sound nuts but keep with me. When dealing with pesky visits from good old guilt we have to first acknowledge it. If we try and ignore it or hide from it, it will be come even more determined to get us to notice it, creating fantastic negative thought patterns until we have to pay attention. So, to stop it getting all big and bolshy we need to acknowledge that we are feeling guilt. Recognise the feeling and acknowledging it is the first step.
Step 2: Feel it baby
Now again, I know you don’t want to feel guilt but there is no point trying to escape it, you are feeling it baby, its already there so now you have to deal with it. Cry, feel sorry for yourself, feel bad for whoever you let down, roll it around a little and let yourself feel it. Unpleasant, maybe, but you gotta feel it to be able to move on from it. Anything else is just kidding yourself.
Step 3: Breath
Take some deep breaths and reset.
Step 3: Take a step back
Right so you’ve wallowed in your guilt for a little while (not too long or you’ll turn into a quivering wreck) and now its time to take a step back. Put a little distance between you and your thoughts. Imagine you are standing at the side of the road and all your thoughts are the cars passing by. Look at the thoughts as they pass and allow them to pass.
Step 4: Examine
Now you have got a little space from your thoughts and perhaps you can have a closer look. Like a scientist examing a new theory or a botanist looking at a new plant. Get up close and personal with the thoughts and see where they take you, always keeping an analytical view rather than an emotional view. There is no need to get caught up in the guilt, you’ve already said hello, felt it, wallowed in it and now its time to review.
Can you get to the core of why you are feeling guilty? Is the real reason you feel guilty the reason you are giving yourself or is it something else. Is it really guilt you feel or a different emotion?
Step 5: Decide
Now you are clearer you can decide what to do and this comes in three parts:
Let it go. Its done. Let it go. It will pass if you let it.
Make a decision about how you will act in a similar scenario next time it occurs based on what you learned in step 4
Make any changes that are needed so you don’t find yourself in this position again.
Bonus step:
Guilt is persistent so may keep popping up for you. When it does say thanks buddy but I have moved on from this. I get it, but I have let it go, so off you trot.
And repeat. But only if you have done the other steps above first. If you haven’t it will be a right pain and keep right on at you.
There are lots of meditations out there on guilt so if you feel ready to have a go at one of those if you want to go a little deeper.
Being mindful wont make your life guilt free but it can help you manage and recover better from feelings of guilt.